


Love

by NahBruh



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Don't want to spoil anything, Hurt, Love, M/M, but this ones gonna hurt, pls read it anyways, the opposite of feel good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-15 01:15:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19285099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NahBruh/pseuds/NahBruh
Summary: Once you've loved someone, truly loved someone, you never stop.





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm... So, basically... I'm sorry?

Once you've loved someone, truly loved someone, you never stop. Love doesn't run out, love doesn't fade, love doesn't let go. Love is something that is taken from you and can never be retrieved. If you say you've loved somebody, but you don't anymore - You're lying. Either you're lying to yourself, or you never loved them. 

You can move on, you can love someone new, you can live life without a person you love. You can hate them, you can want to watch them burn in hell, you can wish you'd never met them. 

But you can't stop loving them.

Some people love too much, feel too much, burn too brightly. That was Will and Alex. Everything was too much when they were together. It was a whirlwind romance; from the moment they met each other, they were lost. Everybody knew it wouldn't last, simply because it couldn't.

Their love was too intense.

When they were together, they would forget to eat, sleep, drink, think, breathe. The outside world disappeared, responsibilities were forgotten, family and friends would become nothing but distant memories. Five months after they moved in together, six months after they first met, Will packed his things and moved out. It was a mutual agreement between the two. 

Alex was in pieces. The pain he felt from being separated from the other tore him apart, left him broken and in relentless agony. Will was in no better shape. Alex knew this, because they never stopped talking to each other. As soon as Will had closed the door behind him in his new apartment, he had called Alex and they had talked for hours. 

The night after that they were in each other's arms again, passionately making up for the time they were apart. The night burned bright, and their heat was endless. When morning came and the first few rays of sun shone through the window, they were left in shock. Will left again. Alex cried again. Will called him three hours later.

Over the next few years they each learned to function without the other, the nightly visits were reduced to a few times a week, and Alex moved in with James. Alex always felt a subtle ache in his chest, an ache that only intensified when he thought of Will, an ache that crushed him when Will was near, and they couldn't touch. 

Then Will met Mia. The first person he had been with since him and Alex had met. It hurt. It hurt the both of them. But they had talked it through, and agreed that it was for the better. Will still came to visit him, and while they both felt bad for Mia, there was nothing they could do. Almost a year went by like this, then one night, while Will was tracing mindless patterns into the naked skin of Alex' back, he sighed.

"She knows," he mumbled, making Alex open his eyes and look up at him, "'bout us," Will clarified. Alex moved his hand from under the pillow and reached out to brush a few strands of stray hair out of Will's eyes.

"How d' you know?" He asked softly, resting his arm across Will's bare chest.

"I dunno, she just looked at me funny earlier when a said I was going to yous," he replied in a whisper, his eyes glazing over as if reliving the memory. Alex shuffled closer, draping his body over one side of Will's body, before placing a delicate kiss on Will's collarbone.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his concern for Will's wellbeing always being greater- even when it was about Mia.

Will blinked rapidly for a moment, and then hugged Alex closer. "Yeah, I'm fine love," he murmured into Alex' hair. Half an hour later he kissed Alex goodbye.

Less than a month had gone by, when Alex opened the door to find a heart-broken Will, sniffling back the trickling tears.

"She left me," he said, and Alex felt his heart break for Will right then and there.

"Oh, Will..." He whispered, opening his arms wide for Will to collapse into. He rocked the taller man in his arms, holding on to him tightly.

"What happened?" He asked, after Will had calmed down, and they had found their way to the living room.

"She said she couldn't be with someone who didn't put her first, who loved someone else," he explained, voice muffled by the hand he held in front of his mouth. Alex took Will's hand in his, feeling a few tears of his own sliding down his chin. "But I love you Alex, and you will always come first. I wish it wasn't like that, but I can't deny the truth." Will said, looking deeply into Alex's eyes, earnesty pouring out of his own. Alex nodded; he understood.

"I loved her," Will whispered out in the dark three hours later, "why isn't that enough?" He asked, and Alex could hear the tears in his broken voice. "I loved her," he repeated, a single sob escaping him. Alex pulled Will's hand to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on his knuckles.

"I know," he said, wanting to comfort Will, wanting to make the pain go away, "I'm sorry."

The years went by, and they both moved around a lot, moved from one girlfriend or boyfriend to the other, never quite settling down. They would meet as often as they could, spending the nights in luxurious hotel rooms, fucking till the sun started rising and they had to go home again. Home. Where was that? 

It was during one of those nights, while Alex was riding Will, that he stopped and looked down at the beautiful man beneath him.

"I hate you sometimes," he whispered, heaving for air, hands on Will's chest for support. Will looked up at him warmly, a sad tinge in his eyes.

"I know," he replied, hands resting on Alex waist, rubbing small circles into the red skin. For a moment they just stared at each other, but then Alex moved again, fell back into the rhythm, letting the night take them away.

Sometime later they were out with their mates, drinking a few pints of beer at the pub they used to go to when they were younger. At this point in time they were both single, both just out of yet another relationship. Will had been sitting at Alex' side the whole night, his hand resting on Alex' thigh. Their friends saw, but no one made a comment; they all knew about Alex and Will, and they had stopped judging them years ago - There simply was no point.

Will got up and walked to the restroom, and Alex watched him move away wistfully, wanting to go with him. Always wanting to go with him. Once Will was out of sight, he turned his face back to the others, and found George looking at him sympathetically.

"Have you ever considered trying to make it work?" He asked Alex gently, a curious look in his eyes. Alex sighed. He longed for that; for a life with Will where they didn't have to hide their love from the world. He offered George a blue smile.

"We've tried. So many times. But it always goes the same way - with us starving and not caring about that." It was hard to explain, because it was hard for others to understand just how intense their feelings were. It was downright impossible. George frowned, but the frown quickly dissipated when Will returned, turning into a relaxed smile. Alex leaned into Will's side the rest of the night, relishing in the too rare feeling.

Another couple of years went by, and that's when it happened. Will had been complaining about back pains, but they had thought nothing of it - It happened to most people in their mid-thirties, so why would they? Will was in the hotel bathroom, when suddenly Alex heard a scream. He ran to the bathroom door, pushing it open with no further thought, and almost screamed himself.

Will was lying on the floor, clutching his thigh, clearly in immense pain.

He had fractured his femur, they later found out at the hospital. But that was the least of their worries. The doctor thought it strange that a man Will's age would break a bone from a simple fall, so he ran some tests.

Cancer.

Of course, it was fucking cancer.

Myeloma, a type of blood cancer, had been the reason behind Will's back pain, it turned out. Alex spent the next couple of months in the hospital with Will, never once leaving his side. His fiancé left him, but Alex barely even noticed - How could he, when the love of his life was withering away right in front of him? 

It all happened so fast; three and a half months passed, and there was no doubt left - Will was going to die.

When Will slept, which was most of the time, Alex cried. He cried and cried, heaving for air, clutching at his chest, unable to get away from the all-consuming pain. He saw the pity in everyone's eyes, from the hospital staff, to their friends when they visited them. The first few weeks, every single person Alex came into contact with, including Will, had told him to go home and get some rest once in a while. He never did, and they quickly gave up, realising there was no point.

A few hours before, Will's doctor had come into their room with somber eyes and tight lips. Alex had called their friends and family after that, telling them to come say goodbye. His voice cracked with every word, and the last few calls had to be made by a sympathetic nurse. The only ones that made it in time, were those of their friends who lived in town.

"Alex?" He tore his eyes away from Will's sleeping figure and faced Fraser. Fraser sounded as if he almost didn't recognise Alex. It wouldn't surprise Alex - He hadn't been taking care of himself at all. He probably looked just as sickly as Will. He breathed in, and carefully let go of Will's hand, standing up to welcome Fraser. The other hugged him tightly, silently letting Alex know how sorry he was. When they pulled apart, Alex tiredly dried his eyes with the tip of his sleeve, before turning back to Will to wake him up.

"Will, love," he croaked, gently touching Will's face with his cold hand, "dear, our friends are here. I know you're tired, but it's only for a little while."

Will blinked tiredly, weakly bringing his hand up to hold Alex', the temperature of their skin matching.

"I love you," Will whispered hoarsely, getting as lost in Alex' eyes, as Alex did in Will's. None of them noticed the rest arriving, too entranced in each other to be aware of the world around them.

And that's when George finally understood what Alex had tried to explain so many times. Why they couldn't be together. As they stood there, holding onto each other with body and soul, it became clear as day, how destructive love could be. Because even then, even as Will was on the brink of death, and Alex with him - Anyone could see that - even then, they looked at each other in a way that made everything else seem small. Insignificant. The atmosphere in the room left no doubt with anyone:

None could live without the other.

Alex felt a hand on his shoulder, and he finally turned around to see the familiar faces. They were all feeling the agony Alex had been feeling for months. But the pain had started to fade for Alex; it was all going to be over soon. They all talked for about twenty minutes, but then Will started feeling too tired, and they said their goodbyes. There were a lot of tears and a lot of tight embraces, but one by one, they left the room. The last to leave was James. He held on to Alex tightly, holding on for longer than any of the others had.

"Goodbye old friend," he said quietly to Alex, "I'll be seeing you come old age." With a last squeeze, he pulled away and left as well. He knew, Alex thought, he _knew_ , and he was going to let it happen. Maybe everyone could see how futile it would be to intervene. He turned to Will again, who looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Please don't Alex," he begged, "I know what you've been planning, and I'm begging you: Please don't do it." He looked at Alex with tears in his eyes, stretching his frail arms out. Alex didn't hesitate to take Will's hands, but his mind was set. 

"Will, would you be able to live without me?" There was a desperate edge to his tone, and a few tears slid down his pale cheeks, "how can you expect me to carry on when you're gone? That's hardly fair, is it? You can see that, right?" He was crying now, pleading for Will to let him do this, for him to understand how it was for Alex.

"I know," Will sobbed, "I know, but I just- I can't breathe when I think about it, the thought of you..." He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Alex nodded, he understood where Will was coming from - It was, after all, the situation he was. He brought his hand to Will's face, gently caressing his cheek.

"It's okay," Alex breathed out, "it's all going to be alright." Will closed his eyes, a pained expression etched onto his face. Then he nodded, tugging at Alex to make him lie down with him. Alex did. They lay in silence, breathing in the air the other had exhaled, holding on to the last few moments they had together.

When Will's heart stopped four hours later, Alex didn't move. He didn't move as the doctor pronounced him dead and the nurses took him off the various machines. He didn't move as they expressed their condolences and left Alex to mourn in peace. He needed it to be quick, over within seconds - He couldn't have them revive him. He curled up to Will's side and slipped out the scalpel from his sleeve. Then he slit his throat. It was the most painful feeling Alex had ever felt, but it didn't compare to losing Will. Not by a mile. 

Once you've loved someone, truly loved someone, you never stop. Love doesn't run out, love doesn't fade, love doesn't let go. Love is something that is taken from you and can never be retrieved. Some people love too much, feel too much, burn too brightly. That was Will and Alex. From the moment they first laid eyes on each other, they had already lost the battle.


End file.
